NET GENERATION

GIRL    :  Dad, I am in love with a boy who is far away from me.
I am in Ghana and he lives in UK. We met on a dating website,
became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp,
he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months

of relationship through viber.
I need your blessings and good wishes Daddy........


DAD said : Wow!  Really!!  then get married on twitter,
have fun on tango.  Buy your kids on e-bay,
send them thru gmail. And if you are fed up with you husband...
sell him on amazon.


Hahahaha ....!!  Bingo  .... !!... Cheers !!!!!!! ........


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5 C

The five "C"  that guys must have ....  before

Cash , Condo, Car,  Career, Credit Cards



The new era  Five (5) Cs .....NOW !!!!

a guy that  can

Clean, Cook, Chat, Cares .....  and a  Comforter *

(* lends a ear,  give a hand, and provide shoulders to lean on)


WOW !!!....   how eh lidat ??   .. better off  be a   "diamond bachelor"


. 

Thoughts ...

Past is a Waste Paper,

Present is a News Paper,

Future is a Question Paper,

          So ...


Read and Write carefully


          Otherwise ...
Life will be Tissue Paper ... !





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MARKETING

What is Marketing ?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party
You go up to her and say "I am very Rich, Marry me !"
That is DIRECT MARKETING

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl,
One of your friends goes up and point at you and says
"He is very Rich, Marry Him! "
That is ADVERTISING

You see gorgeous girl at a party, You go up to her and get her telephone no.
The next day you call and say "Hi, I am very Rich, Marry Me"
That is TELEMARKETING

You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie,
you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say
"By the way, I am very Rich, Will you Marry Me ?"
That is PUBLIC RELATIONS

You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl
She walks up to you and says "You are very Rich, I want to Marry You"
That is BRAND RECOGNITION

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say
"I am rich Marry Me" She give you a nice hard slap on your face
That is CUSTOMER FEEDBACK


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LOL

What goes up but never comes down ?
(Your age)

What is it that become bigger and bigger
the more it comes around ?
(Rumour)

What fish is worth lots of money ?
(Gold fish)

What is another name for a telephone booth ?
( A chatterbox)

What is light yet you cant hold it ?
(Your breath)

What is another phrase for
The naked needs ?
(The bare necessities)

What is another phrase for
unknown in the late hours ?
(Strangers in the night)

What kind of key cant unlock anything ?
(Donkey)

.

Ah Beng .. LOL

Ah Beng : Doc, in my dreams, I play football every nite.
Doc : Take this tablet, you will be OK
Ah Beng : Can I take it tomorrow, tonite is final game.

Ah Beng come back to his car and find a note saying "PARKING FINE"
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole "THANKS for COMPLEMENT "

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife : No! I'll stay with my sister. But, if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Ah Beng : People consider me as "GOD"
Wife : How do you know ?
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again .

Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house"
Police : "How come the thief did not take TV? "
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news .."

Teacher : "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "U will go to jail"

How do you recognize Ah Beng in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book, when the teacher erases the board.

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand
and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecast announced that
on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


HAHA ! ... AH BENG ah.. , hahahaaaaa...


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LUNCH

While makaning at the wai sek kai in SS2 at lunch today
2 leang lui came to share our table.

At first, Miss A came from the economy rice section
with only just a small portion of broccoli, taufu and a piece
of fried egg and Miss B with a bowl of cold leng chee kang.

Wah !!!...ll eat so little, dunno fill which part of the stomach likedat
(~~~ me and my kaki were thinking~~~)

Thim chee, 10 minutes later came a big plate of
sweet sour pork rice for Miss A, and followed by
Miss B's order of chee cheong fan of RM6.80 AND
popiah.

Suddenly, my wantan mee's portion looks like chicken feed,
and my buddy's Penang char keow teow like diet's portion.

HahaaHaa....
move over Siao Jeh, here come Tar Jeh !!

.

LOL

Today is one of the rare moments that I actually enjoyed
working.

in msn....


hi gd morning,
HQ calling...

Branch : ya .. no mood morning ~~ what can't I do 4 u ?

HQ: I noticed you put an abbreviation (bra MLK) what it stand for?

Branch : now under the new system only 3 alphabet abbreviations are accepted
you dun know meh?

HQ: I know .. but why MLK? i blur blur and read it as BRA MILK .. HAHAHHA

Branch: bra = branch ; MLK = MELAKA ...OK? (hhmmmpppffff)

HQ: i thought the abbreviation is Mka no meh?

Branch : Wei .. lei born in which era wan hah?
MELAKA = MLK (BM )
Malacca = MCA (ENG)
that is universal abbrev !! all people know wan lah

HQ: hah ini macam bikin ar? guess I am not one of the all people lor,
but i no like the MLK
please change to another abbrev. can?

Branch : ok , then I change it to
Malacca = MCC ok... OK ?? ... maybe it will help U see better

HQ: haaahhaaaa... ooi dear, now you no need to change la
I just thought of a better suggestion, you can stick to MLK ,
over here we put it aka MALEIKAI ... (that is you !)
as skinny as Missy Olive (popeye's bini)
ADOOOIII.... (bra maleikai).... lol LOL...LOL !!!

Branch: PEK LEI KEK SI ngor !!!!!

..

Lim Peh ka lu kong

Ha Ha Ha ... this is one funny email on hokkiens
enjoy... !

Question: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
Ans: Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah kwah".

Question: How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
Ans: Hae hae hae

Questions: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
Ans: Hoo Hoo Hoo

and this is a classic ........

Question:
What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy tales?
Answer: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time ...."

and

Hokkien fairy tales begin with " Lim Peh ka lu kong...... "

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Talking About Sex

I read something nice and funny, for men who need a laugh
and women with good sense of humour ..... ENJOY !!!


QUOTE

1) A wife is a sex object, every time you ask for sex, she objects.

2) There are two four letter words that are offensive to men
- "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together.

3) Panties : not the best thing on earth, but next to the best
thing of earth.

4) Question: What's an Australian kiss ?
Answer : The same as French kiss, only down under.

5) A couple just married is happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole, and she was happy with the Thing.

6) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breast don't have eyes.

7) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed"'
many men still sleeping with their wives !

UNQUOTE


Sex is such a wonderful subject, so many jokes about it
and almost everybody talks about it, whether discreetly
or loudly ......


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Lembu Predictions

Predictions of the cow year from Moongchacha
hahaha........


Rat - better than last year

Cow - unsmooth and have obstacles

Tiger - lacking of auspicious star

Rabbit - luck not so good

Dragon - mix with half good and half bad

Snake - satisfactory

Horse - unlucky as compare with last year

Goat - be on your guard

Monkey - great improvement and stable

Rooster - be alert and careful

Dog - ups and downs

Pig - exercise self control


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BEES TALKING

What do you call an overweight bee ?
Chub-bee (Chubby)


What do you call a bee with loose muscles ?
Flab-bee (Flabby)


What do you call it when you make friends
with a bee ?
Beefriend (Befriend)


How do you tell a bee to watch out ?
Beeware (Beware)


What do you call an
ANNOYING BIGGGGG BZZZZYYY BEE ?
Bee ZZZzzzz body !!

Yeah, i met one that didnt buzz off !!!...


Why didnt I get to meet a HONEY B instead ?


HEYAH !!!!!

.

STEAM AND BUAT

GUESS WHAT IS THIS FOR ???





when you steam , u know steam rite ?
after that you buat lah...

buat huh ?... where ..?? atas ke? or bawah ??

aiyooh .... u ini, betul you tak faham ke
after you steam , you buat la...
atas bawah ke... bawah ke ... pun boleh ,
and best nya you buat when u steam...


"HAHAHHAHA.... WKAKAKA... ahdoi ....
Sharifah , apa you sedang bercakap ini,
seluruh opis boleh dengar tau .. BUAT APA ??? "



" ooopppssss.... aaargggh ... alamak !!!
KAKAKAKAKKA.......... malu lah aku ni ..... "
FOR STIMMING FISH LA ...!!!!!!! "


This above conversion, i had with
my colleague, Sharifah had me laughing
and she was embarassed like a red carp.


I was wondering what was this sauce for
when Sharifah was trying to tell me that
tis sauce is best apply for steaming fish and
it turned to sound HAMSUP !!!



.

BE CAREFUL WITH OPPOSITES

A friend told me about this radio show which happened
sometime back, dunno whether she is pulling my leg onot
but i found THIS IS REALLY FUNNY ! * Hahahaha *


DJ : Good Morning. This is Power 98 and do you want
to play a game ?

Contestant : Yeah, why not ?

DJ : Good. It is a simple game. When I say something, you
have to give an answer that is opposite to what I have said.
If I say Sharp, you have to answer Blunt. OK ?

Contestant : OK

DJ : Sun
Contestant : Moon
DJ : Black
Contestant : White
DJ : Tall
Contestant : Short
DJ : Dog
Contestant : Cat
DJ : Man
Contestant : Woman
DJ : Cock
Contestant : CHI BAI

RADIO SILENCE !!!!!!!!!

DJ : These things sometimes happen and we are on live.
Let us take a commercial break here.


.

JUZ FOR LAUGH

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong
time no see you. How everything ?
For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh
soh want you to chain your look ?
Somemore you must wear kick
kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working
in a soft where company now.
Last week, he take I, Muthu &
few of his friend to May Nonal
to eat barger. After that he take we
all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and
sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going
to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari.
My father mother going to give a fist to
all the kampong people. So you must
come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to
write and send letter to you and to me.
Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.
I will ketchup with you soon. And when
you got time, please few free to call me.
Goo bye.........

Worm regard,
Ah Beng


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Classroom Jokes

Teacher : Maria, go to the map and find N.America
Maria : Here it is
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class : Maria

Teacher : John, why are you doing your math multiplication
on the floor ?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile ?"
Glenn : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
Teacher : No, that's wrong
Glenn : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water ?
Donald : H I J K L M N O
Teacher : What are you talking about ?
Donald : Yesterday, you said it's H to O

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago ?
Winnie : Me !!

Teacher : Millie, give me a sentence starting with " I "
Millie : I is...
Teacher : No, Millie ... Always say , " I am "
Millie : All right..... " I am the ninth letter of the alphabet "

Teacher : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating ?
Simon : No Sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Teacher : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
Clyde : No Sir. It's the same dog.

Teacher : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested ?
Harold : A teacher


HAHAHHAA... life is tough being a teacher !! ... kkkkkkkk

.

SSSS ATTACK

Apa la July ini ...

first i sign

and i stress

then i sei bei sien

now i'm sick pulak ......


Kena 4 SSSS

weekend's here

Next kena 4 Ekor can ar ??


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Why we must use English in IT ?

After sighing day after day
until i read my email today
& found some laughter along the way .......


Why must we use English for math and science?

This is because the whole world uses the language
as an information and/or technology language.
How dangerous it will be, if we try to use Bahasa,
especially in school.

See example below:

Hardware = barangkeras

Software = baranglembut

Joystick = batang gembira

Plug and Play = cucuk dan main

Port = lubang

Server = pelayan

Client = pelanggan


Try to translate this:

ENGLISH
_______

That server gives a plug and play service to the
client using either hardware or software joystick.
The joystick goes into the port of the client.



Now in BAHASA:
____________

Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya
layanan cucuk dan main dengan
menggunakan batang gembira jenis
keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu
akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.


Now you now .... WHY .....



hahahahaaaHAAHAHAHA.......

NICE JOKE

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee...
on his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly ! "
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool !!... you have dialled the wrong extension ! Do you
know who you are talking to ? "
"No" replied the trainee
"It's the Managing Director of the Company, you idiot ! "
The trainee shouted back : " And do you know who YOU are
talking to, you IDIOT ? "
"No ! " replied the Managing Director angrily
"Thank God ! " replied the trainee and put down the phone.


.

JOKES

Prospective employer to Applicant : " So why did you leave
your previous job?
Applicant : "The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"


Wife : " Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left me and
brought all our five kids with him "
Radio Host : 'OK, go ahead ! '
Wife : " Sweetheart, Please return back all the kids, actually only
one of them is yours."


Hello! I am here again. My mind is all muddled up. I just want to ask
something. I know that you will be able to help me out.
Is BIRDS FLU the past tense of BIRDS FLY?


1st nite grandma wore a see-thru dress, granpa didn't react ...
2nd nite grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react ...
3rd nite grandma all naked, grandpa said "What is that you
are wearing, it's all crumpled !"


Wife: It's a miracle! You came home early
Husband: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do.
He said ; ' GO TO HELL' , that's why i came home early.


Quote of the day :
Why are we suffering labour pains (income tax deadlines) on
the eve of labour day?


~~ Happy Labour Day ~~


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